I'm a little ashamed of myself for taking this long to blog. My last post was January 27th and now we are almost half way through March. Life just gets in the way sometimes!
February was great and horrible at the same time. The Saints won the Superbowl, which is unbelievable! Then we celebrated Mardi Gras, but unfortunately Cole was sick the whole time. Also this year Mardi Gras only reminded me of what happened last year during that time. February 24th marked the one year anniversary of Meme's death. Not only does it bring back feelings of loss, but it reminds me that her funeral was the last time I saw Aaron. It's hard to separate the two because they will always be connected, at least in my mind they will.
It is hard for me to articulate the exact feelings I have. The only way I can explain it is sorrow, regret and longing.
Next month will be one year since Aaron was taken away from us and two years since Maw Maw died. And it's only one day apart so the 18th and 19th will be rough. It is true that time heals all wounds. I can attest to that. The days of crying on and off all day are few and far between now. But every now and then it sneaks up on me. Something triggers an emotion and the waterworks begin. I am so grateful to know the Lord though because I don't know how people go through tragedy and loss without God's grace and love. He has wrapped His arms around me and held me when I needed it the most. And without the safety and comfort of the Father's arms, I'd be lost.
If I could say one thing to each of the loved ones I've lost........
Maw Maw you brought joy into my life and the lives of my children. And I miss you and your gumbo and potato salad :)
Meme you loved me and accepted my decisions when not many people did. I miss your ability to make us all laugh :)
And Aaron, this is the hardest one of all. I am so glad I had the first half of your life to be with you and really get to know and love you. I wish I had made more of an effort to be a part of the second half of your life. I am so proud of the person you became and when I see you in the faces of my children, it makes me hopeful for their future. I miss the way you became a child again and played with my kids when you came back for Christmas every year. I miss rocking you as a baby and I will forever miss the possibility of knowing you as an adult. I love you so very much, more than you will ever know.
And one last thing, The fact that all three of you are in heaven together with the Father is a great comfort to me and gives me peace.
Spring is a time for life and rebirth and it's ironic that God chose Spring time to bring you all home. I guess I have to trust that He knows what He is doing. There is a season for everything. Now that spring is in the air, I am hopeful.
Love to all,
Holly
