Relaxing

Tonight is a relaxing evening and I just thought I would write a few lines before I get in bed. Last night Holden performed in Dovetales. All the kids did so well! It was fun to watch them perform after working so hard for two whole weeks. Olivia has been making "happy" choices lately and I can't even tell you what a relief that it. Tonight she fell asleep in Paul's arms in his office and he had to carry her up to her bed. I love watching her sleep.
Cole is swimming like a little fish these days. We are having his tubes and Olivia's tubes taken out of their ears in a few weeks. Thankfully they are both past the chronic ear infection days. I remember those days and don't ever want to relive them again.
Tomorrow we are taking the kids to a Zephyrs game after church. So Night Night everyone!

Love to all,
Holly

I miss you

I am having a hard time getting myself together this morning. I don't know why it hits me harder some days than others and some days I'm perfectly fine. Tomorrow will be two months since Aarons been gone and I thought I wouldn't have these days as often. I guess I don't lose it as much as I did a month ago, but its still so hard. I am drawn to the computer like a magnet everyday to look at Aaron's facebook and myspace, just to see his face.

I've lost loved ones before and know what it feels like to be sad and to miss someone. But never have I felt such profound sadness as I've felt these last two months. I've never felt the urge to talk to the ones I've lost before, yet I find myself talking to Aaron. I sit in front of my computer with a picture of him on my screen and I talk to him.

I think about how every year since they moved away from New Orleans, I couldn't wait for Christmas because we would all be together again, even if it was just for a day. I'd always joke with Aaron and make some comment about his hair or call him Gotti Boy. I loved watching him play with my kids. It didn't matter how old he got, he would always still roll around on the floor with the boys like he was the same age.

That will never be the same. Sure, Christmas will always be a time to celebrate because of Jesus' birth but I will always think about the last Christmas Eve I remember with Aaron. It was 2006 at my mom and dad's. I gave him a Hollister gift card. 2007 was wierd because we went to Meme and Honey's during the day and I can't remember Aaron being there. I have no pictures of him from that year and it makes me mad. Was he there? and if he was, why didn't I take a picture of him? Anyway, 2008 we didn't get to see each other because his other grandmother was sick during the holidays.

If it wasn't for the untimely passing of Meme (I love you, Meme) I wouldn't have seen Aaron at all in the last year. So for that I'm grateful. You may only get one chance to tell people how you feel about them so choose your words wisely. I wish I had done that. Now I say it everyday, but to a picture of him. It's not the same. It's not fair. Life's not fair. I love you, Aaron. I can't type anymore, too many tears.

Love to all,

Holly

Happy Birthday Cole!

Today my sweet Cole is 6! I am so proud of him. He is such a good boy and has so much going for him. As I woke up this morning, I started thinking about how fast time flies. It seems like yesterday I was in the hospital giving birth to him and now he is 6 years old. I never want to forget these days..........evenings at the ballpark, playing basketball with him in the driveway, watching him hop hop dance. I want these images to be burned in my mind forever because I know he'll be a teenager before I know it.

That happened with Holden. He grew up overnight. He's still a young 12 year old but I can tell he is turning into a teenager more and more each day. I remember a time when I thought I would never forget the little things and now I hardly remember any of them. I never did a good job of keeping up with their baby books after the first year and now, I wish I would have. They are all growing up so fast.

Tonight is Cole's first private hip hop dance lesson. He will be so surprised because he thinks it's a class with a lot of kids. Then after that we are going to celebrate his birthday with a family dinner at Applebees......he loves Applebees! These are the things I want to remember so I'm glad that I started this blog because at least I'll have something to go back and read when I can't remember the little things anymore.

This is something I'm adding in here just for myself so I don't forget these things:

1. Can't I jus write wit a marker or sumpin?

2. Cole's waiter arm

3. Lala I love you and Uncle Trey I like you a lot

4. Would you like to go on a date with me? What? You're HOTT!

5. Smells like a regular butt

6. Cole's spanish

7. Mexico

That's all for now.

Love to all,

Holly

UP

Yesterday Paul and I took the kids to see the movie, UP. If you haven't seen it yet, all I can say is GO SEE IT! This movie was so good. Funny, sad, uplifting, hopeful, inspiring and it had the most beautiful love story ever.

I usually enjoy kids movies but rarely does a movie move me like this. After seeing this, I want to be nicer to my husband, my kids and my dog. Life is short and we need to live each day to the fullest. Make every day an adventure. Appreciate the little things in life. And help others.

If I can leave you with one thing.....................Go see UP!

Love to all,
Holly

Days Go By

It's been a while since I've posted. Things are pretty much the same. Olivia continues to challenge me daily. Sometimes I feel like a complete failure when it comes to raising her. She steals things and then hides them and then lies about it. Even though she knows if she gets caught, the consequences are bad. How much stuff can you take away from a 4 yr. old? I've read The Strong-Willed Child many times and it doesn't seem to be giving me any answers.
Spanking doesn't work and neither does Time Out. It seems amazing to me that this little human being who came out of my body and who is so completely dependant on me for everything she needs to live (food, clothing and shelter) can actually be so defiant and so willfully disobedient so much of the time!

I enjoy Cole and Holden so much and I want to be able to enjoy the time I spend with Olivia instead of constantly fussing and disciplining her all the time.

Dear Lord,
Help me to see Olivia the way you see her. Help me to be the kind of mother to her that you want me to be. Give me patience to deal with her and the strength to not give in. Give Olivia the desire to want to please Paul and me. Help us get through this. I know it is only for a season, Lord and that these days will go by quickly. I want to cherish all of my kids as they are growing up and I want to have lasting memories of their childhood. Good memories, that is. I know that if I trust in you completely, you will get me through this. I ask this in your precious son Jesus' name. Amen

Tomorrow is Sunday and I am expecting something from You, God! I can't wait to praise you and worship you!

That's all for now.
Love to all,
Holly